Gracious Gift-Getting
Imagine your whole family is full from a delicious meal and excitement is palpable as the kids all sit around the tree (from youngest to oldest, of course) waiting to open their presents. You are silently praying that your child will be polite. Who can forget last year when he opened up a gift, announced he already had one, threw it aside, then said the game his cousin got was stupid? Everyone sat in awkward silence while you tried to prompt manners. It wasn’t fun. So here you are hoping a false fire alarm lures your family away from the gift exchange buying you another year.
Rather than silently hope for a miracle, try these simple steps so you can let go of the anxiety and focus on giving your brother mean looks for buying your child a drum set.
Similar to teaching your child how to play well with his cousins, you will practice receiving gifts and how to respond before the big day.
Teach and clarify. Explain how people should respond when receiving gifts, how they should respond when others get gifts, and why it’s important to your child (i.e., perhaps people will stop buying them presents). Remember: your child’s view on what is important is likely going to be different from yours.
“You’ll likely be getting presents when we’re at grandma’s on Saturday. It’s really important you are polite when opening gifts, so we’re going to practice here and there until we leave. It’s also important you don’t say anything rude about the gifts others receive.”
Model and praise. Model the skill, then have your child demonstrate, while you provide feedback. Make this fun and give so much praise!!!
Put something random in a bag (i.e., an old dish towel) and have your child give it to you. “Wow, thank you! Dishtowels are always handy!” While they shouldn’t lie, explain it isn’t necessary to say they already have the same one or don’t like it. A simple “Thank you!” is all that is needed.
You then give your child something wacky and have them practice the skill. You should also give them something they have plenty of to practice that response.
You can pretend that you are his cousin opening up something you know your child doesn’t like (i.e., asparagus) and have them practice sitting there quietly or perhaps they can say something nice to their cousin, such as, “You’ll really enjoy that!” It may be hard to teach the exact comment as the number of retorts to say is endless depending on the gift received; however, sitting quietly smiling can be used for almost anything!
Praise your child for responding as they should during these sessions! The more fun and praise, the better!
Practice! Practice! Practice! And praise! Keep practicing at home, across settings and situations, leading up to the gathering. Be sure to rehearse and praise often, while always keeping it fun and interesting. This is a new skill for your child - it is super important you praise like crazy as they are practicing, even if it seems silly. As they master the silly items, start to mix in gifts that may be more realistic.
Spontaneously, as you’re unloading groceries, hand your child a can of beans and tell them you bought them a present. Praise them for responding appropriately!
Hand their brother a toy you know your child dislikes (make sure his brother knows what is going on) and tell him you searched hard for this present. Praise your child for not criticizing it and being nice!
Spend time over the next few weeks practicing being polite and responding appropriately instead of dreading your child’s response during the gift-opening portion of your gatherings.
This will save the family a lot of awkward moments (at least caused by your child) and you feeling like you want to sneak out the back door. Put in the work now, so you are able to relax and enjoy your time later!
Happy Holidays!
This is part of our “Thriving Through the Holidays” series.
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